I often read online about people that have suffered a loss. Most of these posts are on my Facebook page, and each time I hear about a child, a mother, or any loved one who has passed, I think of my mother. I usually do not write about how much I miss her—her touch when she hugged me, her smile, her wonderful laugh, and, most important, the unconditional love and understanding she gave me throughout my life.
There are many times, even after all of these years (and it's been nearly 18), that I still want to pick up the phone to tell her about something that happened to me or to someone in the family that particular day. She had an ease about her that made “chatting” something I will never be able to replace with anyone else.
Recommended for You
Everything’s Okay (The Book Version)View on Amazon
I remember when she died, I did not have the heart to try to explain it to our five-year-old at the time, so I told him as easily as possible that his “me-mom” (our nickname for her) went up to heaven to watch over us forever and ever. I assured him that every time he looked into the sky and saw a star, that was her smiling upon him and all of us. He took it rather well, trying to understand the permanent part of this 'trip to heaven,' and his little smile was perfect when I told him this.
I've never really shared on social media sites that when he graduated high school, went to his proms, and graduated college (and soon to be graduate school!), I am often angry during the ceremony. I feel bitter deep inside about how unfair it is that she is not here to witness these moments along with everyone else. I feel my mother was cheated out of a long life and, although, I comprehend this, I do not understand why.
So even though I feel sad when I read those posts about losses other people have suffered and try to be supportive, know that I am right there by your side, mourning, crying, and not understanding the 'why me' part of it as well. And it's okay, all of it is okay.